News Bites

OJ will stand trial in Las Vegas. My Predictions:

• His plea will be “absolutely 100% not guilty”.
• The defense will say that the audio tape of the encouter does not fit OJ’s mouth and therefore cannot be his voice.
• The defense attorneys will say “Cha-Ching!” alot in an attempt to lull the Las Vegas jurors into the local slot machine trance
• He will be acquitted in the criminal trial but will then be sued directly by the victim and held responsible
• Kato will testify that this time he wasn’t near the place and didn’t hear a thing
• Judge Ito will make a cameo to rule on a motion
• Fox News will outbid MSNBC for the rights to air the trial
• The trial coverage will be sponsored by the Florida Orange Council’s “OJ that doesn’t kill” campaign

Chiquita is being sued over some killings in Colmbia. Evidently Chiquita has outsourced their field security to Blackwater.

Banana Picker: “Hey Mr. Tally mon - tally me banana! Daylight come and me won go home.”
Chiquita Manager: “Yeah, uh….it would be great if…uh, you didn’t come in anymore. We are re-aligning our corporate structure to meet the new business paradigm and current economic realities.”
Banana Picker: “Que? No habla englais.”
Chiquita Manager: “Let me introduce you to Jim here. Jim is with Blackwater. They have been contracted by corporate to handle our security out here in the field.”
Blackwater Jim: “Step away, sir!”
Banana Picker: “No habla englais. Tally me banana?”
Blackwater Jim: “Step away or I am authorized to use deadly force by my corporation!”
Banana Picker: “Que?”
*BANG*